My Mom The Stalker

The other day my mother made a startling confession.
“A while ago I tried to get you a date with this doctor I saw on TV.”
“Huh?”
“I was watching that show I like in the morning, that medical show. There was this adorable doctor on there who was 41 and he was perfect for you, so I googled him and tried to find him so I could set you up.”
“I’m sorry?”
She laughed, but only a little. She clearly thought this was a good idea.
“Are you nuts?”
“Why?”
“You have to ask?”
“Well I thought it was a good idea. At the time.”
“Sure. If you are Robert John Bardo.”
“Who is that?”
“Forget it. It’s the stalker who stalked Rebecca Schaeffer from My Sister Sam. In addition to stalking, which by the way is illegal, you have become that mom. That Jewish mom who pushes her daughter on lawyers and doctors. What the hell!?”
“I know. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I know what came over you. Craziness.”
“I googled him to see if he was married. I also found out where he lived.”
“You found out his address?”
“Well, he lives in San Diego, California. I could have probably found out his address though if I wanted to.”
“WHAT? Actually, don’t tell me anymore. Make this story stop. Right now. I would like to know even less of this story than I already do. I feel like hearing this makes me an accomplice of some kind.”

More on my mom? Gotta love her! See: Driving With My Mom, Real Texts From My Mom, As Long As You Are Happy.