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Can You Be Friends After a De-Friend?

April 30, 2010

Dating in a world with so many mediums is tough. If you have seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You , you will remember the scene when Drew Barrymore is explaining that there are so many complicated ways to figure out if you are getting dissed; you have to check your email, your texts, your voicemail, your Facebook, your twitter…and it’s true. In a world with so many new and exciting ways to keep in touch, comes major trouble for dating.

Let’s look at the facts. You meet a great guy. He sends you a Facebook friend request. You look at his pictures. He’s cute! You realize you have friends in common. He can’t be that bad! He is randomly friends with your best friend from 3rd grade. He has to be a good guy. She was nice. She let you play with her cabbage patch kid because they were sold out everywhere. He has pictures with his nieces and nephews and it looks like he is being nice to them. Awwwwwww. So cute. His status updates are witty. He is funny AND smart. To be witty you have to be smart. He is a freakin‘ genius. Did he actually just quote Tribe Called Quest? He is cool too! You could love him. You could one day have your facebook status set to “Darcy is In a Relationship with New Facebook Guy”.

Suddenly he adds a new Facebook friend. Its a girl. She is cute. Who is she? Why weren’t they friends last week? How did he find her? Do they have friends in common? When he said he was going out to dinner with his grandma last night was he really having drinks with his new Facebook friend? Suddenly someone tags him in a picture. He is at that new place in the meat packing district that has a list. How did he get on that list? Is he cooler than you thought? Maybe he is too cool for you. He is sitting with girls in the picture. Who are they? What? One of them just planted an apple tree on his farm. Are they moving in together? Why are they milking each other’s farmville cows? Wait! He just responded to an event next Thursday. It is in an art gallery and 114 people are attending. Guess you aren’t seeing him next Thursday. Who are the 245 people that haven’t responded yet? Why weren’t you invited??? And so on and so on and so on.

Let’s call him Andre. He just moved back to the city from Texas. Southern guys are nice right? Gentleman? We have our first date on Valentines day. I send him a text before the date:
“I know it’s Valentines day, but please don’t propose. It will be awkward and I am not ready for the commitment”
“But I love you”. He responds. He gets my humor so the date won’t be a total disaster. We meet for margaritas. Tequila always makes me fall in love, or at least in like. On our first date we plan our wedding in Vegas and name our unborn children. I like him. Not enough to actually marry him, but I will go out with him again.

Andre really likes me. He emails the friend that set him up that it was basically the best set up ever. We set another date. Dinner and Jay Z at MSG. It’s fun, but I realize he isn’t for me. He seems stubborn and controlling. We go out a few more times, as he is funny and I am bored. He even brings me to dinner with his mother. A lovely woman. Now I am starting to like him. He seems like a really nice guy. He is patient with my crazy schedule. I tell myself this is who I should be dating. A nice guy. From the south. Who likes Obama even though he is from Texas. He thinks I am beautiful and funny. He tells me I am one of the smartest girls he ever met. I know he is dead wrong but nod and agree. When he picks me up for our dates he smells a bit like liquor which strikes me as odd and a bit alcoholic, but I tell myself that is what Texans do. He introduces me to all his friends, and constantly complains to me that he thinks he likes me so much more than I like him. I decide this is must be what its like to be dating a girl.

A month and a half into dating Andre, we go to dinner. On the way to the restaurant I write something funny about Andre’s facebook status on his wall. Andre and I are best facebook friends. We might even tag each other in a picture soon.

My brother in law calls. I answer at the table. Andre yells at me and tells me I am rude for taking a call during dinner. It creeps me out that he got so angry but the Martinis are numbing the fear. Soon we are sharing a sea bass and kissing at the table. We made up. I decide to sleep at his house for the first time. In the middle of the night I am awoken by Andre doing things around the house. Fully dressed. I glance at the clock and its 4 am. Where is my phone?! I need my phone. I always sleep with it next to me in case of emergency. I go into his living room and look by my bag and coat. No phone. I know for 100% certainty I left it there. I ask Andre to call my phone cause i can’t find it anywhere. He tells me he will find it. He returns to me holding the phone and tells me it was on his kitchen counter. I know for 100% certainty I had never stepped foot in his kitchen.

I look at my phone. I notice some emails that were read that i didn’t read. I think my mind is playing tricks on me and I had possibly had more to drink than I realized. Andre tells me to get back into bed and gives me his favorite blanket. I fall asleep and wake up at 7 am. Andre is already awake and on his computer.

“Good morning gorgeous, you look so beautiful. Can I make you coffee? Breakfast? I will make you whatever breakfast you want.” I think to myself that I am proud of myself for sticking with Andre. Finally I chose a nice guy. I agree to a cup of coffee that turns into two. Andre gives me the paper and asks me to hang out. I realize I have to run. I need to get to work.

Less than a half hour later I am home and on the phone with one of my best friends. I tell her I just spent the night at Andre’s house. I tell her he yelled at me about using the phone at dinner but other than that he was a total gentleman. I tell her I will email her a picture of him. I log on to facebook and go to his page so I can copy and paste a picture from his profile.

It gives me the option of adding Andre as a friend. Huh? He is my friend. I just got back from his house 10 minutes ago. Confused I refresh the page. It is staring at me mockingly. “ADD AS FRIEND”. I text Andre : “Defriended?? Ouch.” Andre explains he gets the sense he likes me much more than I like him and that I don’t take him seriously. I am confused beyond belief. What about the blueberry pancakes he was just offering to make me? What about my second cup of coffee he was squeezing out of a french press? “What are you talking about???” I ask. He tells me its how he “feels”. I realize Andre might be watching more Oprah than he leads on.

I don’t hear from Andre for 24 hours when I finally ask him if we are on for the concert that night we are supposed to attend. He tells me he is tired and going to watch basketball with his friend. I am knocked off my feet. BUT ANDRE, YOU WERE CRAZY ABOUT ME?! I scream. In my head. There is more to this story but I don’t know what it is yet.

After two days of not hearing from Andre he sends me a drunk text at 1 am. He confesses to me that he went through my phone when I was sleeping (I KNEW I HADN’T LEFT IT IN THE KITCHEN) and that he saw some risque texts between me and a guy, we will call Adam. Little does he know Adam is a very old dear friend with whom I have never even come close to an inappropriate encounter with, we just share the same raunchy humor. Andre had taken my TEXT out of conTEXT and ruined everything. Gone was our farm, gone were our tagged facebook photos, gone was our “friend”-ship. He wrote me some apology manifesto emails. I told him for the first time in 6 years since owning a blackberry, I now had a password on it. And the password was Andre. 4 Weeks later Andre was listed as being “In a Relationship” on his Facebook page, which by the way, he never realized was public.

Have you “liked” Darcy Dates on Facebook? If not please join the Darcy Dates Facebook page! And don’t forget to follow Darcy on Twitter @darcydates

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19 Comments leave one →
  1. July 26, 2010 12:32 pm

    um,this is HILAR. Such an accurate description of facebook stalking.

    “Suddenly he adds a new Facebook friend. Its a girl. She is cute. Who is she? Why weren’t they friends last week? How did he find her? Do they have friends in common? When he said he was going out to dinner with his grandma last night was he really having drinks with his new Facebook friend?”

    • July 26, 2010 12:41 pm

      Thanks for reading J! It is soooo true. I am a firm believer that you shouldn’t be Facebook friends with anyone you are dating until you can actually set your status to “In a relationship”! Same goes for BBM or the like. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting!

  2. November 18, 2010 6:49 am

    Oh.My.God. Darcy, this is insane and hilarious! Seriously- I e-mailed this to my friends! WTF? Men are crazy, yo. They’re so insecure and psychotic. Amusing though, I guess. Great post!

    • November 18, 2010 12:47 pm

      Thank you so so much for sharing it with your friend! It’s crazy dating in this day and age! I always appreciate your feedback and thanks for reading!

  3. November 18, 2010 7:04 am

    Alexia directed me to your site and demanded that I read this immediately. I was ‘defriended’ in a similar what-the-puh-fuck-but-five-minutes-ago-everything-was fine fashion just last week. Fucker!

    Thanks for this, it is an epic post!

    • November 18, 2010 12:46 pm

      I am so glad you enjoyed it! I am so sorry for your de-friend. Know that you will make a much better “friend” down the road! Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment!

  4. June 25, 2011 12:57 am

    OH Darcy you are hilarious!! 🙂

    • June 25, 2011 8:58 am

      Why thank you! And thanks so much for reading. Your comments are much appreciated!

  5. February 1, 2012 2:11 pm

    Reblogged this on Darcy Dates and commented:

    This is an original Darcy and one of my favorites!

  6. February 1, 2012 2:29 pm

    How come I never meet crazy people like this? My relationship stories are way too normal.

  7. February 7, 2012 7:48 pm

    So funny! Everytime my sis is dating someone new she calls me up go check out so and so’s page!! “Did you see him sitting in that girls lap…do you think they were dating” hehe…..OH FACEBOOK….where would we gals be without you!

    -Dawn

    • February 7, 2012 8:11 pm

      I love reading everyones responses to this post. It seems everyone has a crazy side when it comes to Facebook! Who knew? I make it a habit to not be Facebook friends with people I consider dating, and I certainly defriend them once we have broken up. You keep to your life…I’ll keep to mine.

  8. February 14, 2012 6:01 am

    the scary thing is that i think maybe andre might have got a new name and moved to the other side of the world….i know this story;)

    • February 14, 2012 8:17 am

      Wow, you were lucky enough to meet Andre too? 🙂
      Can’t believe there are more than one of this man. Wait a second…yes I can. I’d say I wish I had a password sooner, but then I wouldn’t have known Andre’s true colors so quickly.

      Thank you for reading and thank you for your comments! They are much appreciated!

Trackbacks

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