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Real Phone Calls From Real Men

June 14, 2010

Remember the guy who told me it was time to take our relationship to the next level, as it was our month anniversary of our 2nd and last date? (See, Real Voice Mail From Real Men, June 1, 2010) Well, he has been in touch. Often. I get periodic texts from him that say things like:
“I am not giving up on you.” and “We are meant to be. I know it inside.” By inside I imagine him to mean he has multiple personalities that are discussing this amongst themselves. I would think he was crazy, but being a doctor gives him a credibility that I can’t quite explain. Trust me, I’m a Doctor.

Last week my phone rings. It was him. I answered as I felt he needed a concrete explanation of why it wouldn’t work with us. I had given him other real explanations the other 22 times he asked, but maybe I wasn’t clear. Even though we have only had one and a half dates, I explain to him in detail, spending 25 minutes too long, on why it won’t work, and why we aren’t a good fit, and how I think he is a nice person, but not the right fit for me. I think he understands. He then texts me about 20 times that night asking more questions about our breakup. Which i think is nuts because I haven’t seen him in two months and we only went out one and a half times! What is there to talk about?

This morning my phone rings again. It’s him. I am not sure why he is calling exactly, but I was distracted and answered.
“Why did you answer?”
“Why did you answer?”
“You called.?!”
“Yea, but you don’t answer anymore. Are you keeping me on a leash?”
“Excuse me?”
“A leash. Are you keeping me on a leash?”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, you stopped answering or returning my calls, and now you answer. Mixed signals Darcy!”
Huh? Is this a joke? Ahhhhh. I now see why they say no good deed goes unpunished.
“Can I see you this week Darcy?”
“I really can’t. And I thought we went over this.”
“Just for a minute.”
I think what a good salesperson he might have made had he not gone to med school. He is persistent. Persistently creepy.
“I need to go. Really.”
I hang up before he has a chance to argue. He calls BACK. 30 minutes later.
“Darcy, I really need to see you.”
I imagine him shoving me in some type of oven or black garbage bag. I picture waking up in the trunk of his car and dialing my mom. “Mom, Help! I have been kidnapped. He is driving me around in the trunk of his car.”
“WHAT???” , She would scream, “Does that mean you don’t have a seatbelt on??”
Sigh. I decide to not answer anymore. I have done the good dead of explaining it 27 times. I think that is about 26 times too many.

18 Comments leave one →
  1. Sarah Brooks permalink
    June 15, 2010 9:41 pm

    That is a goo one…keep them coming

    • June 15, 2010 9:58 pm

      Thanks for reading Sarah! The phone calls are good. Update: This same person has called me twice today. I didn’t answer.

  2. February 8, 2012 3:38 pm

    “Well, you stopped answering or returning my calls, and now you answer. Mixed signals Darcy!”

    This last part is like a line straight out of Archer. Awesome.


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