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Full Disclosure

July 1, 2010

On my second date with my ex-husband I told him a story and he told me I was too forgiving. I told him I was terrible at holding a grudge. “Don’t worry,” He said, “I am an excellent grudge holder. I will always hold all your grudges for you.” Over time I learned he wasn’t being funny. He was being serious. He was telling me who he really was. I love him dearly and he is one of my best friends till this day BUT the man can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.

My favorite quote ever is one that Oprah says all the time (I am very well-read like that). It is something she learned from Maya Angelou.

“When people show you who they really are, believe them the first time.” It’s simple but so true. People don’t usually fake being bad people, but they certainly fake being “good people”.

I have learned that this is a good rule of thumb to live by. Particularly in the world of dating. When people say things such as:

“My nickname used to be the prince of darkness.”
“I would make an excellent con-man.”
“I am always scheming for one thing or another”
“Men are much smarter than women.”
“I have a side-business of selling drugs.”‘
“I’m a good liar.”
If they show you a text from their old boss that says “What’s wrong, you have already fucked everyone in your office so you need a new job?”
and so forth and so on…believe them. They are not “pretending” to be bad. They are bad. Pack it up, and run the other way. Do not wait to see it unfold, do not wait to see if you are different, do not do not do not and do not. It’s real. If they are showing you a flawed moral compass, it’s broken and does not come with a one year warranty. You can’t swap out their moral compass for a new one.

This is just my two cents, but what do I know. I am not saying I have mastered this advice, but I am getting a little better. And by a little I mean not much (see: Jonathan 40, Is Really 47, May 1, 2010, on my ability to ignore and or overlook major red flags). I want to get better. But bear with me while I try.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2011 4:55 pm

    Word. I’m going to remember all this and think about it next week.


  1. Dodging Bullets « Darcy Dates

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