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Channeling Demi

July 6, 2010
Robbie called me again today. I told you he would, as he is the gift that keeps on giving.

(See: The Robbie Report, June 23, 2010, Real Phone Calls From Real Men, June 14, 2010, Real Texts From Real Men May 27, 2010, and Real Voice Mail From Real Men, June 1, 2010.)

“Remember when you told me it seemed like I was paranoid. Like I always spoke like the whole world was against me?”
“Was that a turn-off?”
No Robbie, it was a turn ON. Nothing is sexier than someone that suffers paranoid delusions. It’s like Spanish Fly only different. Because it’s crazy. I silently think this. I don’t say it.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because the girl I am dating said that to me yesterday.”
I cannot believe I have become Robbie’s dating coach of sorts.  Something went terribly wrong here. Note to self: See a shrink. Ask how this happened.
Many of you at this point are probably wondering what my two and only dates were like with Robbie so I am going to provide you with a walk down memory lane, if you will.
As I have discussed before, there is something about me and the under 30 crowd. One of my dates who is not representative of the human race in any way, recently 30, explained the reason he likes older women is because they are comfortable with their bodies. He was looking for one thing, and it didn’t involve things like talking. Well, talking dirty maybe, but that is for another entry.(See: Real Texts From Real Men, May 25, 2010) I decided to give the younger generation one more chance. My good friend Victoria, also divorced with two kids, was seeing a gorgeous 26 year old. She just turned 38 last week. I figured I would use her as my role model and go for it.
My date with Robbie started off like any other date, only he was 40 minutes late. In all fairness to him he gave me ample notice that he was behind schedule, and by ample, I mean I was walking into the restaurant to meet him when I received his text. One of his patients was about to die and he had to save him which put him totally behind schedule. Fair enough I thought.
Robbie was cute. Super tall, 6′ 2″, but only 29. Okay FINE 28. Not a day younger! I figured why not? If Demi can do it so can I. I have long hair too. We sit down and order our drinks. I order a glass of wine, Robbie orders a Jack and Coke. Hard living. I like it. Robbie is a doctor, or a resident at least, is that the same thing? I have no idea. All I know is if I choke on an ice-cube, he can probably save me and for now it seemed good enough for me.
I ask my usual younger date question.
“Aren’t I too old for you?”
“No, who cares, age is just a number. I have dated people my age, older, younger, it doesn’t matter as long as we jive.”
I actually believed him. I ask if he has ever dated a mom.
“No. But I like children.”
I wondered if saying he liked children meant he liked them like one likes spaghetti or Twinkies. I don’t know that he realized kids are a full-time job. But he started to cite examples of all the time he has spent with children.
“Do you want more children?” He asks.
“Good. I like that you want more.”
He is calm and collected. It doesn’t seem fake or phony.
“I’d like to be engaged within the year. I am serious and don’t want to waste my time. I am not looking to serial date.” He says.
WHOA! If a woman said that to a man on a first date it would be game over. I suddenly felt an oppresive pressure that dating Robbie would mean ASAP commitment. I would never even utter the M word until the 18th date, and only then would i use it casually. And by casually, I mean asking if he ever watched Married With Children. I am good at assessing these things and nothing read fake. He didn’t seem like he was trying to get me into bed. He was just talking. Like a regular person.
“Cool.” I said.

I am not sure what lead to the next disclosure but it seemed I should pay close attention.

“I don’t like when people take advantage of me.”
Fair enough.
“I REALLY don’t like it. It really makes me crazy. For example, Direct TV.”
I nod, unsure of what was coming next.
“When I signed up, they implied they were tight with Time Warner…”
I didn’t hear the actual story, as I had tuned out, but I did hear what came next.
“So I called them and began to fight with them regularly. I insulted the education of the phone operators, I threatened them. I wished I was a lawyer so I could read up on contract law and sue them. I had fantasies of calling them up and citing laws and cases. ”
I stared silently. Is he really telling me this? He wasn’t done with his angry confessional. I know it’s wrong but I am egging him on with “I understand!” and “what else makes you angry?”
“I also feel this way about Dell. When I call and they transfer me to India I flip out. I am much smarter than people in India. I am a doctor.”
WHAT? He was dead serious, which concerned me a great deal.
We weren’t done with the stories.
He told me about his fight with the broker who rented him his apartment, and then topped it off with the fight with the paint store owners.
“They mixed the paint wrong. It was more of a pink and not a red. I flipped out on them. They told me I was an ass hole.”
I am nodding still. I really wanted to ask why he was showing all of his crazy colors right out of the gate, but I just kept nodding.
“I kept screaming, ‘I don’t want this color red. This color red is gay. This is a gay color’  There were two gay guys in the store. I think I offended them.”
I can only wonder why he didn’t think he was offending me.
Then my favorite story: The one where he confesses he drove to a random law office in New Jersey to fight a hospital collection bill for $26 that he didn’t even know he had. He showed up unannounced to fight with them. At this point I think he actually jumped the shark from crazy to cool.
He told me he loved fighting with people. He LOVES it.
I envision a life with Robbie. Me, holding his hand, him in a UFC fighting leotard trolling the streets looking for a brawl. At one point I believe he slipped me an invitation to Fight Club under the table. ‘I know’, I whisper, ‘never talk about Fight Club.’
I know it sounds terrible, but Robbie actually wasn’t bad. A bit of an anger problem, (A La Wink Not, Want Not guy, May 2, 2010) but he was able to laugh at himself about it which is incredibly important. After my glass of wine I told him I needed to be getting home. He offered to walk me.
“If you don’t feel comfortable I will only walk you until we get a block away. Don’t worry, I won’t try to come upstairs.”
Huh. For such an angry guy, he certainly was a gentleman. Breaking news: Chivalry is NOT dead.
As we walked towards my apartment he turns to me.
“I can’t believe you were going to walk by yourself.”
“What? I was born and raised in this neighborhood. If someone tried to mess with me I’d kick their ass.” I say. Only half kidding.
“I LOVE that! I think that’s hot!” Robbie exclaimed. I forgot, the fighting. Robbie loved the fighting. My next thought is that if I had whipped out a box cutter and challenged him to a street fight he would have dropped to one knee and proposed.

Oddly enough, I liked walking next to Robbie. He was the perfect height and super cute. He smelled so good. When we were two blocks from my apartment I told him he could leave me there. He said goodnight and leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips.
“Is that okay?” He asked.

Robbie was like some Seinfeld-esque type character. Angry from one angle, super soft and gentle from the other. He reminded me of a hot Larry David. As I walked away I glanced back over my shoulder. I could swear I saw him shadow boxing on the corner.

The next day Robbie sent me a text. “I had such a great night. Are you up for doing it again?”
I ask if we can we do it the following Friday (I needed some time to think about it).
For a young guy he was very grown up. He had cleared the reputation of the other younger men out there, and by other younger men, I mean one who was particularly yucky.

As Friday approached I thought long and hard about whether or not I was able to date Robbie. For as sweet, cute and angry as he was, I didn’t think I could date someone that much younger. I always believe honesty is the best policy. I receive a text from Robbie:

“Are we still on for friday?”
“About Friday…I have been thinking about it and while you are adorable, I am not comfortable with the age difference. I am so sorry. If i was younger I would be all over it, but I just can’t.”
“What is 5 years? In the long run 5 years is nothing. When I am 50, you will be 55. When I’m 63, you will be 68. Will that really matter then?” I thought that it was sweet he was thinking long run. My next thought it that Robbie didn’t know how to add. I was more than 5 years older than Robbie.
“That is very sweet Robbie. I just can’t.”
“That’s too bad Darcy. I thought you were very special.”
I am touched by this. Robbie seemed to be more grown up than many men I had met. Later that evening I am on the phone with Nicole when I see Robbie calling me.

“Robbie is calling! Do you think he wants to discuss our relationship?” We laugh. Robbie an I had been out one time, and it was for a quick drink. “Let me call you back.”

“Darcy? Hi. Is it really just the age difference?”
“Yes.” (and the anger issue)
“Well who cares about age? Do you really care if you are 5 years older than your husband?
My husband? I didn’t realize we were engaged. I’m glad he filled me in so i could buy a dress. It would suck if I didn’t have a dress for my own wedding.
“Robbie, it’s more than 5 years. And I am really not comfortable with it.”
“Darcy, I had a patient today who was 98. Her husband was 88. She told me before she came into the ER she said to her husband ‘Thank you for the most wonderful 60 years’. And Darcy, she was 10 years older than he was.”

As I listened to Robbie talk it was so…cute.  Why not I thought to myself. Is age that important? I mean, look at Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. That was true love right?
“Okay! Ok. You win. Let’s go.”

Our next date was fun. But I knew we were in different places. I told him.
“Darcy, that’s ridiculous. We are getting married. I know it.”
I text Nicole. “I think I am engaged.”
“Congrats.” She texts back.

Little did I know that I would have a never ending relationship with Robbie. Not in the happily ever after sense, but in the ever after sense nonetheless. (See: He Will Boil Your Bunny, May 5, 2010) I had found a prince of sorts to live in a land far far away with, unfortunately the land was bizarro land. Welcome to my twilight zone.

*If you haven’t read all of Robbie, you MUST. He is everyones favorite character.  Trust me. READ THIS
If you aren’t familiar with Robbie, you MUST catch up! He is everyone’s favorite character! Unfortunately these are not in the right order. (See:  Robbie Reunion, The Robbie Report, He’s Baaack, My Date With Robbie,, Hey Jealousy, A Visit From Robbie  , A Diamond is Forever and So Is Robbie,  Advice From My Doorman, Robbie On Housekeeping, Real Calls From Real Men Meet Robbie’s Family.)

19 Comments leave one →
  1. tracy permalink
    July 6, 2010 9:12 pm

    This is by far one of my favs! Been dating guy/off who’s younger for a while(so complicated) and you really plugged into everything. Keep it coming..your without a doubt amazing. And a woman who gets it! Thank you;)

    • July 6, 2010 10:22 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! I love the feedback! Dating younger is interesting and there is so much more to say on the topic! It’s certainly very “in” right now, thanks to Demi (hence the name of the blog). I have learned a lot about myself in the process. Men have been doing it forever, but it’s going to take some time for me to get used to it! Keep reading and stay tuned! I welcome your input! Thanks again!

  2. July 30, 2010 12:02 pm

    this story is excellent. robbie sounds psycho…but aren’t they all?

    • August 1, 2010 8:31 pm

      He is crazy, but somehow he wears it well. He really does call me 2-3 times a day, 3 months later. Which is unreal!

  3. loveandcoco permalink
    October 10, 2010 8:55 pm

    I love the Robbie stories so much. Hilarious. Whatta guy.


  1. Real Texts From Real Men « Darcy Dates
  2. Real Texts From Real Men « Darcy Dates
  3. He’s Baaack « Darcy Dates
  4. My Date With Robbie. « Darcy Dates
  5. Real Texts From Robbie « Darcy Dates
  6. Robbie Reunion « Darcy Dates
  7. Meet Robbie’s Family « Darcy Dates
  8. I have a new crush… | Maggie's Man Hunt
  9. Hey Jealousy… « Darcy Dates
  10. Robbie On Housekeeping « Darcy Dates
  11. A Visit From Robbie « Darcy Dates
  12. A Diamond is Forever. And So is Robbie. « Darcy Dates
  13. « Darcy Dates
  14. Robbie Gets Cocky « Darcy Dates

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