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He Shoots, He Scores

August 2, 2010

The other day I met some old friends for a drink. They are truly some of my funniest friends so I was prepared for a non-stop laugh fest of sorts which I could really use in this 400 degree heat wave that we are calling summer. One announced her new boyfriend would be joining us. I looked forward to meeting him. He walked in with a friend who was not bad looking. The friend had appeared to be drinking for a long while, which was odd, as it was only 8 o’clock.

I was joking around with one of my friends regarding something work related when the aforementioned cute drunk friend interjects,
“No way. You are too hot. You are a really pretty girl and I know that’s not the case with you. I mean, those kind of girls, you can tell by looking at them. It’s obvious. But not you. No WAY!”
I mean, I love where he is going with this, but it makes absolutely zero sense in the context of our conversation.
“What do you think we are talking about exactly?” I ask.
“That you are easy to get? I know you aren’t. You aren’t that type. I can tell by looking at you. You don’t need to be. You are beautiful.”
Insert his drunk creepy stare here.
I am flattered, but we are talking about work. Obviously drunk Tom is having a conversation with his inner voice. Out loud.

He sees my phone and asks what the picture is of.
“That is my son. Bear.”
“Wow! I’ve dated women with kids. I don’t mind it one bit. I am 36 so most of the women I date have kids by this point. I’d like to have kids.”
Huh. I didn’t realize we were going to be dating. I might have even said this out loud.
He continues,
“I mean, I was never really dying for kids, but I guess if my wife wanted them, i’d have them. If I really liked her. Loved her. You know.”
“Well, I would hope you liked your wife. Or loved her. Both, equally. Let’s just hope someone doesn’t deliver a baby in a basket to your door anytime soon!”
“Well, one slipped by the goalie once but that’s it.”
Insert sound of record screeching to a halt here.
“Oh my. That is a lot of information about you Tom.”
“Yea, I mean, it only happened once.”
“But of course! And what became of that?”
“Oh, yea, you know…its..yea…no.” This was coupled with hand movements and dramatic facial expressions of some kind.

And scene!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 2, 2010 12:38 pm

    At least he’s honest? Haha, that’s about the best I can say for him. 🙂

  2. August 2, 2010 1:06 pm

    hahahahahahahah!!!! So funny. And as a witness to this exchange- 180% accurate.

    • August 2, 2010 3:40 pm

      Yes!!! I have a witness. Sorry Tom, nothing against you of course, but it was blog perfection! LOL J!

  3. loveandcoco permalink
    August 3, 2010 4:38 am

    Hahaha…drunk flirtation that makes very little sense, is in the wrong context and is refreshingly honest…this made me chuckle

    • August 3, 2010 8:56 am

      Yes. it was very funny. We were on completely different pages, but he was dead serious about his page! One of the people party this exchange commented below.

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