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The Prankster

September 2, 2010

If you are this guy, Step Away From The Blackberry, and I haven’t spoken to you in months, other than your bi-monthly texts saying hello, which I ignore, do not prank call me.

(Just a tip: If I actually tell you we aren’t a good match and I do not want to go out with you again, I won’t forget. Checking in bi-monthly will not trick me into a relationship of some kind, I promise. I will remember each time that I am not interested)

Do not call me from a blocked number and when I ask who it is, do not say:
“Darcy, you know who this is.”
First of all, I don’t, and I think that is a creepy game. Second of all, if I have a glimmer of an idea and I think it is you, and I already know, from previous encounters on the telephone (See: Step Away From The Blackberry) that your number is not private, so you specifically blocked your number to fake me out so I would answer the phone, I will like you less than I already do. Also, if you are blocking your number, you obviously don’t want me to have a heads up as to who you are, so no. I don’t “know who it is.” In fact I haven’t heard your voice in months and we had only gone out once. As far as I am concerned, you are a total stranger.

When I ask you again who this is, and say I do not recognize the voice (as that is a chance I am not willing to take) do not tell me this is a fun game, and I should sit back and enjoy it and have some fun with it. I don’t “enjoy” playing with prank callers anymore than I enjoy playing in traffic. That is on par with stripping in front of my window for a peeping tom or calling out to a mugger right after they steal my wallet: “Hey, you forgot to ask! My bankcard pin is 7625! Write it down! Don’t forget!”

Do not tell me this is a fun distraction from my busy day and when I announce I am hanging up the phone because I don’t speak with people when I don’t know who they are, do not tell me this is a conversation I will regret missing. I won’t regret missing this, just like I didn’t regret not getting swine flu or a spiral perm in the 80’s.
Click.

Update: Right after I wrote this up last night, the pranker called again. One week later to the hour.
“Darcy?”
“Who is this?”
“You know.”
“No. I don’t know. I am with a client. Tell me or hang up.”
Click.
Shortly after, and I mean within 5 minutes I got a text from this guy, Step Away From The Blackberry, exactly who I thought it was.
“Darcy, I am not letting you get away so easily.”
“Did you just call me?”
“No. I would not be so presumptuous.”
“Huh. I just got a phone call from someone who sounded like you. It’s the second one.”
“Surprised you remembered my voice. It’s been months.”
THEN WHY THE FK ARE YOU CONTACTING ME???
“What did they say?” he continues.
“Doesn’t matter. It was creepy.”
Crickets. No word since. I’ll never hear back. He is busted and he knows it. Although If there is one thing I have learned, it’s to never say never.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 2, 2010 1:24 pm

    Haha, he sounds nuts. Be careful… crazies are fun, but at the end of the day they are still friggin’ crazy and a danger to society. 🙂

    • September 2, 2010 1:28 pm

      This crazy is not fun. He is creepy actually. I wish you could block numbers on cell phones like you can block people on Facebook!

  2. September 2, 2010 1:47 pm

    Wow – you’re already the hands-down winner of the “creepiest guy described in a blog I’ve ever read” award (his name begins with “R”, and ends with “un for the hills”) and now you might have taken the runner-up prize too! Doesn’t seem fair – I hope you get some respite soon.

    • September 2, 2010 2:18 pm

      as I just wrote to Catherine, this was is creepy in a not funny way. I think I have put an end to his antics. Stay tuned!

  3. September 2, 2010 2:54 pm

    Holy @#$ @&#, Darcy. You should make a commercial….

    Whomever Darcy dates… don’t.

    Whatever dating sites Darcy goes on… don’t.

    Just don’t it.

    (Just donut?)

    😉

  4. BitchinVixen permalink
    September 4, 2010 10:21 am

    Can we say Creepy Stalker!?! And men say women are the crazy ones. Psshaw! You have some luck hun. Your idea of turning into the crazy, chocolate eating, cat lady may really be the way to go.

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