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My Date With Robbie.

September 10, 2010

This Darcy entry is dedicated to my step-sister who noticed I was on vacation and was missing my entries. She also has her own “Robbie” so maybe she can learn a thing or two from my experience.

Oh readers, you will love this. Are you sitting? I had…(Insert sound of throat clearing here)…a date. With Robbie. To catch up the new readers, this is Robbie: See: Robbie Reunion, He’s Baaack,August 6, 2010, Channeling Demi July 6, 2010,The Robbie Report, June 23, 2010, Real Phone Calls From Real Men, June 14, 2010, Real Texts From Real Men May 27, 2010, and Real Voice Mail From Real Men, June 1, 2010.

Well, not so much a date as basic plans gone awry, but a meeting of sorts with only the two of us, involving the dark. Okay, it was a movie. Not shared popcorn, he insisted we each had our own. But, we did share sour patch kids.
“You don’t share popcorn?” I asked
“No. Is that something I should do on dates?”
“This isn’t a date. But yes. I’d share popcorn with strangers if they would let me.”

How did this happen you ask? Let’s see.
After a calling binge of epic proportions over the weekend, I think he may have been up to six calls a day, I received a call one monday night from Robbie.
Apparently he had some trouble at work that day that culminated in him getting written up by his supervisor in the hospital.
“It’s cause she wants to fuck me. The whole hospital does. That’s my problem.”
These type of tirades don’t register much with me anymore. It’s like white noise at this point. I sit, silently shaking my head, keeping one eye on the Real Housewives of NJ confrontation between the matriarchs.
“Where is Bear?” He asks.
“He is sleeping.”
He asks me, as he always does if he can come over, which you know I have never allowed.
“What do you think the answer is?”
“Listen Darcy, I have had all I can take. I want to be with a woman who wants to be with me. It’s over.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I say as I turn up the volume on my TV. I am missing one of those awkward dialogues when Danielle gives her daughter an inappropriate lecture offering up way too much information about her personal life. The mother in me is screaming “Those poor girls!”, but the reality show addict in me wants her to tell them even more!

Alexis calls.
“Robbie, I am going to conference you in with Alexis. You can tell her why you have just broken up with me.”
Alexis and Robbie have never met, but she loves him, as much as you all do. He is excellent entertainment.
I tell Alexis Robbie has ended it with me. She feigns dissapointment, and coaches him through it. We both tell him we will miss him and he hangs up in a huff, leaving us to discuss the minutia of this show, down to Theresa’s husband calling Chanel, “Chanels”.
The next day, I didn’t hear from Robbie until late in the evening. He popped up and sent me an instant message on my computer.
“I miss you. This is killing me.”
“I know. i am sorry it has to be like this.”
He dissapeared.
I am proud of Robbie. He is really following through with this breakup. This breakup for crazy people.

The next day Robbie calls me.
“Darcy, I tried. But I can’t live without you. It’s killing me. Let me come over.”
“Want to see a movie?” He asks. His last desperate attempt.
Okay? I think to myself.
“Okay?” He asks.
Well, at least we were all on the same page about that.
“Yea. Bear is with his dad for the night and I have nothing to do and there is a movie I would like to see.”
“Great. I will buy us tickets. You just show up baby.”
He hangs up on me. I have noticed Robbie never says goodbye. He just hangs up.
I hopped in a taxi and head towards the theater. I am waiting outside for Robbie when he shows up. He is so cute and tall and just too young as always.
“I love you baby.” He said as he approached.
I laugh. It’s not even worth getting into at this point. No sense in fighting it, since I am clearly trapped for life.

We sit down next to each other in the movie theater and I can’t even believe I am actually there. I glance around wondering if people think Robbie is out with his mother or his babysitter. I slump in my seat a bit as the movie starts.
“Is this a chick flick? UGHHHHHHH” Robbie says. Loudly.
As the movie starts he holds my hand. I let him. I know, this is so awkward to type and I am sure it’s even more awkward to read.
Mid way through the movie Robbie screams out loud, “THAT IS SOME FUNNY SHIT RIGHT THERE.”
I die.
“You are that guy. You realize. The guy that screams at the screen. I am with that guy.” I whisper to him.
I suddenly realize something sick. I don’t mind. I enjoy Robbie’s company. ALOT.
After the movie we grabbed a quick bite to eat. We share an entree and dessert. After the meal Robbie grills me on whether or not he ate most of it as he squeezes his love handles.
“I’m getting fat.” He says.
“Want to come over?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Want to? Before I change my mind.”
Folks, avert your eyes. This is ridiculous. I know.
“Seriously? You are letting me come to your house? To your real house?”
No. To my doll house.
“Totally platonic okay? We can hang out. And talk.” I don’t know what came over me, but I wanted to spend more time with Robbie. I wanted to chit and chat and eat potato chips and make crumbs. I wanted to just hang out. Was I becoming one of those girls that would marry someone in prison?
Robbie came over and we talked. Well, mainly he just looked in the mirror and I rolled my eyes. And laughed at him. And we had fun. And it was okay. And we’ve been out a couple of times after that. He is crazy, but in a crazy way he is mine, similar to headaches or issues. And I like him. Who knew? Don’t get ahead of yourself. There won’t be a relationship. I am still incredibly uncomfortable with his craziness and of course, the age difference, but Demi has paved the way for us old chicks. Philip, aka Gaydate guy, would be happy to know I am officially cougaring it up. And Robbie is much hotter than GayDate guy anyway. GayDate guy, suck it. This old bitch is having a grand old time. ROAARRRRRRRR.

Okay, let’s get serious for a second. We are more just friends than anything else, but sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered. And by Doctor, I mean Robbie.

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22 Comments leave one →
  1. September 10, 2010 12:17 pm

    This was HILARIOUS! Robbie sounds like such a dude.
    May I ask what the age gap is? If so, what’s the age gap?

    • September 10, 2010 12:23 pm

      I am *cringe* 7 years older. If you have been following my blog you will see this is a 6 month journey he has been on! Yes. SUCH a dude. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting!

      • September 10, 2010 12:38 pm

        Okay, well it’s really 6 1/2 years. But that is too many as far as I am concerned!

      • September 14, 2010 12:02 pm

        I agree with the other commenters (commentators?)- 6 years isn’t much! I would date a 20 year old if he was mature and stuff. Sort of. I think the old you get, the less the age gap counts. Anyhoo, point is: age gaps aren’t deal-breakers, yes?

  2. September 10, 2010 2:53 pm

    Haha, I am shocked you went out with him. I think Robbie sounds really fun. A nutcase, but a fun one at that. It’s possible you are experiencing Stockholm Syndrome … haha 🙂

    • September 10, 2010 3:27 pm

      I know! You have been watching the whole thing! You get a first row seat to the freak show 🙂

  3. David permalink
    September 10, 2010 6:01 pm

    6 1/2 years is no big deal. My wife is 9 years older than me. We are both amused by the fact that she could have been my babysitter 🙂

    • September 11, 2010 5:24 pm

      Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment. I do have a few hang ups about the age difference, but I think its mainly because we are in such completely different places in our lives. But I love your story and thank you for sharing it!

    • September 11, 2010 7:05 pm

      Hey, it worked for Padme and Anakin Skywalker….

      Oh, wait. Maybe it didn’t.


      • September 13, 2010 9:08 pm

        My blogs are a bit behind. didn’t work for me either! 🙂

      • September 14, 2010 12:11 pm

        Bah, sorry. Well, I guess I look forward to the update. 🙂

      • August 21, 2011 1:51 am

        Geez, that’s ubenlivebale. Kudos and such.

      • August 21, 2011 2:46 pm

        thank you so much Clara!


  1. Real Texts From Robbie « Darcy Dates
  2. Meet Robbie’s Family « Darcy Dates
  3. Hey Jealousy… « Darcy Dates
  4. Robbie On Housekeeping « Darcy Dates
  5. A Diamond is Forever. And So is Robbie. « Darcy Dates
  6. « Darcy Dates
  7. Eleven Missed Calls « Darcy Dates
  8. Robbie Gets Cocky « Darcy Dates
  9. Channeling Demi « Darcy Dates

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