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Online D(egr)ating

September 16, 2010

At a loss of  what to write about today, I suddenly remembered one of my experiences with online dating that had all the makings for a pretty good entry.

I had received an email from a seemingly normal, handsome guy. Divorced with two kids. Very vanilla. He worked in finance and started a charity for underprivileged children, which I liked. After a few quick email exchanges he asked for my number because he felt we should chat on the phone. I sat on the idea for a couple of days, unsure if I was interested, and finally sent it to him.

Here is the thing. Insert dramatic sigh here. If I give you my number, I am hoping you will call me. I am hoping you won’t use said number to stalk me. In other words, I shouldn’t then receive a facebook friend request from you when I haven’t yet provided you with my last name.

I do not accept said friend request on facebook, but do answer the phone when I see an unfamilar number.
“Hi Darcy. This is Freddie.”
He sounded nice, but after a quick chat for 3 minutes which seemed like an eternity, I knew Freddie was not going to be Freddie my love. After speaking for a while he tells me he has googled me.
“You know, not to stalk you, but I wanted to just find out more about you. See if you look like your pictures. Which you do. You look great. You are very pretty. I also sent you a facebook friend request.”
I know. I ignored it.
“Well, I am glad you think I look like my pictures. Do you look like yours?” I ask, thinking that he would of course say yes. It should be a given?
I laughed. He didn’t. Bad sign.
“I have gained a ton of weight since those were taken.”
“I’m sorry?”
I still think he is joking. Wouldn’t you? Who admits this? Why put old pictures that look nothing like you??
“Well, they are a few years old. I don’t really look like that anymore. I went through a hard time and put on a ton of weight. A lot of depressing things happened to me.”
“Oh.” I said. Not sure where to go from there really.
‘Yea. Sorry.”
“Yea.” He sighed.
Could. Not. Be. More. Awkward. Unless of course I showed up for the date and couldn’t pick him out of a line-up.
“Are you still there?” He asked. I became unbelievably silent.
Oh me? Yes. But I am smothering myself with a pillow right now. That’s why you can’t hear me. My mouth is covered and I am just waiting to die.
“Well, anyway, you have my friend request. Take a look at my new pictures and if you are too shallow to go out with me because of what I really look like than that’s okay.”
Yep. I just died. The pillow did the trick. Or he did. Not sure which, but it was certainly over.
Sure Karl Rove. If you want to spin it on me that’s fine. Because I won’t accept your friend request and I won’t be calling you back. Oh, and just a note to the online dating site in which I found you, i’d like a refund. Thanks.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 16, 2010 1:13 pm

    Oh, and just a note to the online dating site in which I found you, i’d like a refund.

    Ha! If you could get a refund for every bad date, I’d be a millionaire by now…. 😉

  2. loveandcoco permalink
    October 10, 2010 8:34 pm

    Hahaha ohh stalkers…or just plain overly keen people.

    I was out at a bar a couple of weeks ago and some guy asks for my friend’s number. She gives it to him. And three minutes later (when we are still in the bar, within seeing range) he sends her a text saying ‘We must meet up some time’ and she’s thinking, we’re still in the same room!

  3. troy permalink
    October 11, 2010 4:37 pm

    I’ve read a few of your posts …thanks for making me laugh 🙂

    • October 11, 2010 5:24 pm

      Why thank you so much for reading and thank you for your comment! I really appreciate it!

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