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Crossing The Lines

January 18, 2011

After dropping Bear off at school the other day, I arrived home to quickly slip into my most comfortable clothing, not to be confused with Pajama Jeans, for a morning of ass kicking spin at Flywheel. For those of you who don’t know Flywheel, its spin, and not just spin, but the best spin in New York City if you ask me. My phone rings. It’s a private number. I glance at the clock. Who on earth could be calling me at 8:34 am? From a private number?
“Hello?”
“Hello?” It’s a guys voice. I assumed it was Leo. I wasn’t that awake yet. I am super slow in the morning.
“Hey.” I change to my sweet voice. The sickeningly sweet phone voice that makes my friends gag.
“Hi. Is it too early?”
“No! Of course not. I have already been to school and back. Just getting ready to get my ass kicked at spin.”
“I was going to leave you a message. I didn’t think you’d pick up.”
I suddenly realize. This isn’t Leo. Who was I talking to?
“I’m sorry, who is this?” I ask.
“It’s Jeff.”
“Oh!!! Jeff! Hi! I thought you were someone else.”
Okay. Got it now. I work with Jeff, or should I say, we recently started working together last week. I don’t know him that well. I wait to hear what it is that Jeff wanted, or needed at 8:30 am on a Tuesday.
“Oh. Okay.” He sounded disappointed. Did I offend him?
“So, what’s up?” I ask. Still unsure of the purpose of this call. It had a very slow pace for a work call.
“I was going to leave you a message. I didn’t think you’d pick up. So I am just going to tell it to you.”
“Oh. Okay.” Seriously? I never realized how socially awkward Jeff was.
“”Do you want to the PG version or the X-rated version.”
Crickets.
I sat with my mouth agape for a good 30 seconds before I could actually find the words to speak.
“I’m sorry?”
“Do you want the PG version or the X-rated version?”
Did Jeff just repeat the exact same sentence? Does Jeff not realize our entire work relationship just got uncomfortable. What is wrong with people?
I sat silently.
“Hello?” Jeff asked. Unaware of why I might be trying to disappear into thin air.
“Hi.”
“Which one do you want?”
I couldn’t believe this. I didn’t expect this from Jeff. He seemed so professional!
“I’m sorry. Who did you say this was?” I had to double-check.
Silence.
Jeff asks awkwardly, “Wait, is this? Who is this? Oh my gd. I think I have the wrong number.”
I realize it is not Jeff from work. Just a horrible coincidence.
“Ohhhhhhh! I thought you were a Jeff I worked with.”
“I am so embarrassed. I have the wrong number. Who is this?”
“It’s not your girlfriend.”
We said our goodbyes as though we were old friends at this point. I don’t know who that Jeff was, but I do know he was having phone sex that particular Tuesday morning. Luckily, it wasn’t going to be with me.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 18, 2011 9:00 pm

    Aww, man. At that point, I’m thinking you might as well have asked for the x-rated version….

    • January 19, 2011 12:26 pm

      Dennis, I should have taken your number so you could hear it! sigh. Next time!

  2. January 19, 2011 3:14 am

    haha, hilarious story 🙂

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