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Survey Says…

February 22, 2011

A few years earlier…

Once upon a time I walked into a bar on the Upper West Side to meet one of my J-day-tay dates. (JDate, if you aren’t familiar with Darcy Dates. See: Hello, Old Friend). I was looking forward to this date with this very tall, very handsome stranger. He was from Kentucky and Jewish. The chupacabra as Patti Stanger would say. Over the phone he had a southern twang of some kind. Or so I thought. More on that twang later.

As I made my way through the bar I see him sitting at a table, which was awkwardly close to the table next to him.
These two girls are going to love listening to our first date unfold. I thought as I approached. But he was handsome. Five star handsome. He looked just like his pictures, which is not always common. We were off to a good start.

“Hi! Andy? Darcy.” I extended my hand.
“Well hello Darcy!” He said as he pulled me in for a hug.
Ho. Ly. He was the gayest man I ever met. Well, maybe not as gay as the date who took me to the Indigo Girls concert and held my hand and wanted to skip. I turned green. That twang wasn’t just southern, it was downright RuPaul.

I glanced at the two girls at the next table who glanced back at me. There was something in their look, an awkward disbelief, that I knew I was not alone in thinking this.
I dreaded grabbing the seat across from him at the table and cursed myself for having to play along with his charade. I always say, I love a gay man, but if you want to play for my team, you have to wear my uniform. And my uniform doesn’t involve a beard of any kind.

I sat across from Andy, who might as well have been Andy Cohen on Bravo, who I live for, but don’t want to date for obvious reasons. My eyes glazed over and I went into hibernation mode. There may or may not have been a screen saver slowly crawling across my face.
“Darcy, why don’t I go grab us some beers?”
“Okay” I smiled through my teeth, cursing him for putting me through this.
As soon as he got up I turned to the girls at the next table who had their eyes fixated on us the entire time.
“Hi girls, level with me. Is my date gay?”
“Oh my g-d yes!!!! When we got here we thought he was cute, but then spoke to him and assumed he was gay. Then you showed up. We were wondering if you knew you had a gay boyfriend.”
You know that girl who people look at and think “Doesn’t she know her date is gay?” Okay. Got it. I’m her. Good times.
“This is our first date. I met him on JDate.” I confided in these complete strangers.
“That is why I won’t try internet dating. I’d rather be alone forever.” One of the girls said as she looked at me with accusing eyes. She might as well have thrown a dart at me, not that it mattered much at this point. Who am I to judge. I was sitting there waiting for my gay date to return with my draft beer.
“Oh! Here he comes.” She said in a hushed tone and left me alone to role-play two straight people out on a date on a saturday night. I wondered if someone was handing out Playbills.

I watched him walk towards me. So hot. The boys must love him, I thought.
I decided to not fake it. I went for it.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t. Are you…are you gay?”
“What?” He laughed, but didn’t immediately say no.
“I mean, are you?”
“I need to tell my friends that right away.” He said. He took out his phone, and starts typing furiously. He showed it to me, a text that read:
“My date thinks I am gay.”
A few moments later his phone buzzes.
“Aren’t you?” His friend wrote back.

And suddenly the voice of Richard Dawson echoed through my head. Survey says…you’re gay.

Want to read more about other gay dates I have had? See: GayDate & Jonathan 40, Is Really 47.

Have you “liked” Darcy Dates on Facebook? If not please join the Darcy Dates Facebook page!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 23, 2011 10:39 pm

    I have had a similar experience. Except I was too spineless to ask! We went on a few dates, no physical contact (other than the hugs) thank goodness. Im pretty sure my date had not yet worked it out or at least, he had not yet emereged from the closet. In any case, by our third “coffee” I did consider asking him if he would be so kind as to come jeans shopping with me, but alas, at the end of said date he went in for the kiss and I may have formed a “squidgy” face, cringed and stepped back. Subsequently mumbling, “sorry, Im not interested in you that way” and then promptly RAN away.
    My only excuse is that I was young, naive, and not so confident!
    Live and learn 🙂

    • March 1, 2011 12:58 pm

      You live and you learn! Thanks so much for reading and thank you for your comment!

  2. March 2, 2011 11:07 pm

    Haha, hilarious and awesome. Love the text response 🙂

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