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Dodging Bullets

March 15, 2011

It’s happened to all of us. We meet someone, we like them, it doesn’t work out how we had hoped. You start to wonder…was it me? Did I do something? Was there someone else? They say, “You deserve better,” but you don’t think they really mean it. The thing is, sometimes they might. And you may never know. Or one day, you may find out, like I did, that they weren’t lying.

Remember this guy? (See: Real Texts From Real Men). The penis texter? No, no..not Robbie’s penis text (See: Real Texts From Robbie). The first penis text. I can’t even believe I have to differentiate between penis texts, but this is the world we live in. You know, the same world in which Charlie Sheen is winning.

A little over a year ago I met Vince. He was smokin’ hot in a dark, brooding, sexy, sweaty drunk mess with a hint of genius type way. He worked in a field that required the brains of a rocket scientist. He was a few years younger than I was, and living in New York City temporarily for work. Relocated here for only two years, before he was to return home. Home being halfway across the country. On an early date, possibly our first, I told him I didn’t think it could ever work with us. I lived here, where I had to remain until Bear was 18, a custody agreement I had with Jason, and there was zero chance I would be moving. From that moment on, Vince must have decided I was nothing more than a sexual conquest of some kind. We had chemistry, hot chemistry, which is all we had, and I knew it’s all Vince wanted. I asked what it was Vince was after and he was honest. Sex. He even went as far as telling me he didn’t want to date anyone. It was much more fun to hook up with different girls all the time. I figured it really meant he wasn’t interested in dating me. I wasn’t interested in casual sex. While it may be fun, it’s a little too empty for me, and I don’t think I could handle the morning after. He would try, and I refused to cave, so we parted ways. Which is what led to the aforementioned penis text, his last ditch effort at one more shot.

Eventually, I stopped entertaining Vince’s inquiries for any type of get together. Vince and I remained Facebook friends, but never spoke. Over time Vince seemed to find a girlfriend. A serious one. His profile picture was of the two of them, as was hers. He was now listed as being in a relationship, and they were constantly “checking in” together at his house. My Facebook newsfeed was filled with his status updates and her replies. This had been going on for nearly a year. They seemed to be progressing well. According to his status updates, she was moving back home with him. They seemed happy and very much in love from what I could gather. Good for Vince. He was all grows’ed up.

Last week, mid-day I receive a text from Vince.
I couldn’t imagine what he wanted.
“Hey.” I wrote back. As far as I was concerned we had nothing to talk about.
He continued to ask me how things have been, chit-chat as though we were old friends and then asked the unthinkable.
“We should get together.”
I was confused and bewildered. Get together? Are you going to bring your live-in girlfriend? The one who checked in at your apartment an hour ago, according to my Facebook newsfeed.
“Why?” I wrote. I really didn’t know why he would want that. Yes, at times I can be that naive, or maybe it’s more hopeful of humanity.
“Because we always had a lot of fun.”
“That was a long time ago.” I replied.
“That type of thing never changes.” He said. Yep, he was officially crossing the line.
“Things are different now. You have a girlfriend, and I have a boyfriend.” I said.
“Then we have to be extra careful.” He wrote.
Are you KIDDING me?
“Sorry, you have the wrong girl.” I responded quickly.
“I was always disappointed we never fucked.” He said, as though he was saying he was disappointed he never ate in a neighborhood restaurant before it closed.
I had nothing to say back really. My jaw was on the floor. I was silent. My phone buzzed yet again.
“Want to see what you do to me?”
I knew what was coming. Another picture of his penis.
“No. Show your girlfriend.”
“She already knows.”
“What? What I do to you?”
“Hahahaha.” He responded.
Ugh. He was more of a scumbag than I could have even imagined.

I sat in silence shocked and saddened for his girlfriend. But then, stuck in my own self-absorption I realized, I was having a once in a lifetime opportunity. I was able to literally look into what my future would have been like had I ended up dating this guy. I was starring in my very own episode of Quantum Leap. I would have been posting pictures of us hugging, status updates about how much I loved him, making plans to drop my life here and move with him cross-country and BAM, he would be texting one of his Facebook friends for a booty call and I would have zero idea. So I dodged a bullet. I didn’t even mean to, but I did.  Next time someone tells you that you deserve more, or that they can’t give you what you want, listen to them. Do not try to jam a square peg into a round a hole, or your fat ass into skinny jeans, in other words; don’t try to force something that just isn’t right. Like I have said before, my favorite quote, “When someone tells you who they really are, believe them the first time.” (See: Full Disclosure)

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. March 15, 2011 11:39 am

    Great post. Very insightful.

    • March 15, 2011 1:26 pm

      Thank you so much. Thanks for reading and thank you for your comment!

  2. The Single Girl permalink
    March 15, 2011 1:06 pm

    Great post!

  3. March 15, 2011 5:25 pm

    Oh wow, you did dodge a bullet! Good for you for not becoming that girl (I feel sorry for his girlfriend, too) – accidental or not, this one goes in the GOOD decision category. This post also helps me a great deal as I navigate the single life…I’ll keep this in mind for sure 😀

    • March 15, 2011 5:27 pm

      Thanks for reading and I love your comment. If I can help but one person avoid a mess, then I am happy 🙂

  4. March 16, 2011 2:45 am

    I wonder how many girls that kind of stunt would work on. Especially when they know all about the smitten lover-girl he’s living with.

  5. Wink'd permalink
    March 16, 2011 2:20 pm

    What an absolute scum bag! Ah, awful. And disgusting. And horrible.

    Good for you for being strong and true to yourself (and a sense of morals!)

    Interesting post though. Very well written.

  6. March 18, 2011 6:04 am

    disgraceful!! his poor girlfriend!! go you for putting him in his place

  7. April 4, 2011 11:26 pm

    What a jerk!! I can’t believe the nerve of guys like this. You are so lucky you knew better!!


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