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My Penis Pen Pal

May 12, 2011
Cell Phone Text

Think Before You Text

I have had all the penis one girl can take. Sigh.

Well…via text. Somehow, somewhere along the line I picked up a pen pal. A penis pen pal. Remember this guy? (See: Real Texts From Real Men, and Dodging Bullets) He will not stop texting me pictures of his penis. At this point, I can’t even be sure that he has any other limbs or even a face. He may just be a penis stump with an Iphone. I get more penis texts from this guy than I do breaking news updates from CNN. At least those I can unsubscribe to. This is one subscription I can’t get out of. The harder I try to shut him down, the harder he tries. Literally. I have the pictures to prove it. I can’t even change my number. Cause then how would Robbie call me? (See: A Diamond is Forever. And So is Robbie) What’s a girl to do? It seems i’m stuck between a cock and a hard place.

Guys, let me explain, in the simplest form. Texting penis pictures isn’t hot. It isn’t sexy. Let me walk you through what happens when you text a girl you aren’t dating a picture of your genitals. We immediately call our best friend. We forward her the picture. We will laugh. At you. Then, said best friend will it show it to her husband. Who will comment on your size. Then we all laugh together. For weeks, if not months or years, you will only be referred to as the guy who texted the penis picture.

At no point are we turned on or longing for you in any way. So just stop. Right now. Trust me.

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