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The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Yet

December 21, 2011

Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Yet image via: The Bachelorette

It’s holiday time in New York City. Holiday time means holiday parties, and lots of them. After an impromptu change of Thursday night plans, I headed out with a few friends to  an old friends party. One of the friends I was with, I had dubbed my lucky charm. You see, he is one of my best wing men and I always have the best dating luck when he is with me. So I put on my highest heels, my skinniest black pants and my finest sequins and headed out for the holiday festivities with my crew.

After spending two hours at the first party, we ventured to our next location which is currently one of the hottest spots in New York City nightlife. We got a table and piled onto the banquette, when suddenly, I lock eyes with one of the most handsome men I have seen live.

Now here is the thing: He wasn’t my kind of handsome. He was Tom Brady handsome, which is obviously very handsome, but a little too pretty. For me. I like guys that look like they have been through it a bit. A scar or two, possibly a crooked nose, you know, signs of life. I’m not really the pretty boy type, but he was cute with a smile that could light up the entire room. He planted himself in front of me and we continued to make serious eye contact for a good 40 minutes, constantly checking back.
“Do you know this guy?” I said to my lucky charm. “Is he your friend? The one with the brother? You know…that guy you once introduced me to?”
“Who? Ian? No. But he is staring at you Darce.”
“I thought so.”

I continue to lock eyes with the handsome stranger and then turn my attention to my friends. After a quick walk around the room and a location change I spot said handsome stranger and notice he is wearing the same shoes my ex-husband always wears. They are from LL Bean. Those Boat shoes. The ones that people stopped wearing in 7th grade. People who aren’t my ex-husband. Or this guy.
He inches closer to me in the crowd. He is finally close enough to talk. He stands with his chest close to mine. He is about 6’1″ and general heaven.

“You know, those shoes come with a special policy. You can send them back to LL Bean when they are worn out and they will send you a brand new pair. Forever.” I said, as I smiled my most Darcy smile and gazed directly into his eyes.
“Are you making fun of my shoes?”
“No. I like them.”
“Good. I like you. Who are you? You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Me?” smiling coyly. Is this for real?
“Can I steal you away? Let’s sit down.” He says, shuffling me to a sofa.

We are now sitting alone on a sofa in a dark corner. I ask him how old he was as he definitely looked younger than me.
“31.”
“Ah. I am too old for you. I’m 36.”
“That’s not too old. And you are beautiful. Who cares.”
When is it too early to tell someone you love them? Can I tell him now? Now? What about now? Maybe now? How about now?
I was looking at his flawless face, his perfect teeth, his piercing blue eyes. I thought he was way too handsome to be picking me up out of the crowd. It was a pretty hot crowd that night, and I’ve got to admit, the competition was stiff.
“Where are you from?” I asked, trying to figure out this handsome boys story.
“Grew up in the city until 8th grade, then moved to Connecticut.”
Explains the shoes.
“I like a Connecticut boy. What do you do?”
“Finance.”
He was sweet. He looked like he stepped right out of an episode of Friday Night Lights as the hot new ball player. And for this moment, he was mine.
Within in a few minutes of chatting he grabs my face and tries to go in for a major kiss. With tongue. A real real kiss.
“Whoa. Sorry, I wasn’t ready for that.” I said, pulling back my face and making it my own again.
That was awkward. My friends were watching from across the room. Their mouths agape.

Suddenly, my friend approaches.
“Aren’t you that guy? That guy from TV?”
“Yes.” He says, with an embarrassed smirk.
“Really? What show are you on???” I asked. I definitely didn’t see that one coming.
“I was on the Bachelor, and the Bachelor Pad.”

Crickets.

Now, if you are a Darcy reader you KNOW how much I love reality TV, and those are shows I watch. But I have missed a few seasons lately. Damn you Darcy. Why did you have to take up writing and spend less time focusing on your DVR. UGH. Such a overacheiver. But at least kissing me in the first few minutes made sense. He was used to having to vie for one womans attention against 20 some odd other bachelors, all in a 45 minute time frame. He thought he was working under the wire. Makes sense now.
“Yeah. You are Bachelor X(real name omitted).” She says accusingly.
“Yep.”
Okay, now please. Please walk away cock block. I chant silently in my head. But she doesn’t. She goes in for more.
“I met you. At a party.”
Oh boy.
“You dated my friend.”
Not good.
She stared him down with intense crazy eyes.
Please make this stop.
“I’ll leave you two alone now.”
“Thanks.” I said. I may have murmured it from under the sofa I was now hiding beneath.

“This is really awkward with all your friends staring at us,” Bachelor boy said. I look over to see my friends, also known as my cock block crew, staring at us like we were on stage. My lucky charm was dancing in my fur vest in our direction, my other friend giving him the look of death, and the other two just staring in awe like they were witnessing an orgy with animals and carneys.
I tried to wave them away without him noticing.
“Come with me, let’s go somewhere else.” He said.
“I can’t right now.”
“But they really aren’t leaving us alone. It’s kind of weird.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“Then come with me.”
“I…just can’t.” The truth is, I didn’t really want to. I wasn’t in the right mind-set to follow a cute boy gd knows where. Not tonight.
“Well, I can’t do this with all of them right there.”
I didn’t blame him. I said goodbye to my Bachelor. No rose for me at this ceremony. I could almost hear Chris Harrison in my head “Say your goodbyes now Darcy.” It’s okay though. I didn’t want to be that girl, dating that guy from TV.
Given that I have never had an actual rose ceremony, this certainly was my most dramatic rose ceremony yet. We will always have that.

But it is nice to know, this mama has still got it. Oh, and note to self, next time, I will leave the cock block crew at home. (Sorry guys)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 30, 2011 10:43 pm

    Are you for real? I MUST KNOW WHICH BACHELOR THIS WAS! Direct message me on Twitter 🙂 Fun story!

    • December 30, 2011 11:43 pm

      I knew you’d love this one! I will now! Merry Christmas and happy New Year Catherine!

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