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Mildly My Type

January 23, 2012

Not me…but it could have been.

I had a date on a very very cold night in New York City. Very cold. He called me to plan it and we were discussing where to meet when I said,
“Can you believe how cold it is outside? It’s freezing.”
There was silence at the other end of the phone.
“Well. It’s not…yea. Not so bad.”
What? I lost four fingers from frost bite when I left my apartment this morning. What do you mean it’s not so bad?
I tried to push my doubt aside that we would have very little in common and got ready for my date. I was wearing so many layers. I wore two jackets, and might have even put on Bear’s snow pants. I didn’t care how I looked. I was going for warmth. I remember showing up for a date recently and when I went to get my coat from the coat rack as we were leaving, my date said to me,
“You wore a puffy coat on this date?”
“Yes. It’s freezing.”
“Then you couldn’t possibly think it was going to be good.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Cause puffy coats aren’t sexy.”
“But they are warm.”
“I am wearing a Rag and Bone coat, and I am freezing. You know why? I wanted to look good for you.” He whined.
It’s not my fault you are the woman in this relationship.I thought, as I pulled my very warm Montcler fur hood over my head and hoofed it out of the restaurant like a clumsy Clydesdale.

But back to my date…

I was standing in the restaurant, layered in puffiness and GORE- TEX when my very tall dark and handsome date walks in his suit. No coat.
“Where’s your coat?”
“This is it.”
“It’s freezing. It’s about 20 degrees.”
“This keeps me warm.”
“Wow.” I said, as I spent the next 20 minutes peeling off layers of clothing. I may have even had glove warmers in. And a hot water bottle shoved up the back of my sweater.
“You see, I am a very positive person, I like to look at things in a very positive manner. So instead of saying “cold” which is a negative word, I like to think it’s mildly refreshing.” He explained.
“Ah. I would like to mildly de-thaw in the kitchen. Next to the oven.”

We sat down and my date began to regale me with his adventurous tales. He had actually climbed Mt. Everest. It would have probably been a bad time to tell him I am too lazy to walk up the stairs at my local Staples so I take the elevator one flight. I was impressed with all that he had accomplished. He was also working on some other crazy expedition where he was walking to the North Pole. Ten days of no sleep. Only “rest.”
“If you notice I have some scruff on my face. I usually shave everyday. But I have to grow a beard for the expedition or my face will freeze.”
“Right. Of course. Wow.” I started to picture what he would look like with a long creepy beard, “When is that?”
“Wow. That will be quite a beard.” I had assessed he would look like a hot Osama.
“Yea. It has to be.”
Right now, with only the scruff he looked cute.
The thing is, I was impressed by his incredible motivation and his insatiable lust for accomplishment.

We ordered a bottle of wine and a couple of dishes. We were sharing stories about our background, our upbringing, our hobbies. Even though he was amazing, incredibly sweet and very accomplished, I could just tell we weren’t going to be a good personality match. But the dinner was lovely and I was enjoying his company.
“Hey, you are a writer, you will appreciate this story.”
I nodded, excited for what was to come next. It was a 45 minute story involving the writings of a priest. And something about a goat. I can’t say for sure since I feel asleep half way through the story. I had a dream that I got into a taxi that was driving by outside the window. I guess it was more like a nightmare, because I knew it wasn’t real. In reality he had just ordered another bottle of wine.
Help. A tiny voice cried from within. I’m trapped.

He was trying and seemed like a really good guy. When all of a sudden he said it. Out loud. I don’t recall what we were talking about, but I heard it clear as day.
“I don’t have a television.”
I literally heard the music in the restaurant screech to a halt. At that moment, the date was over. RIP this date.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t have that much time. And the time I do have, I’d rather be doing something more important than watching TV.”
Ah. So we didn’t agree that the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are important. I see. Well, we tried. We did our best. We sat through this lovely dinner and you are handsome, and incredibly kind. Obviously well read and very very good at your job. But I am trashy. I love reality TV. And like InTouch magazine. A lot.

When it was time for dessert, he asked if I had a sweet tooth.
“Yes.” I said. Figuring he didn’t. I don’t think any of my dates had ever preferred dessert.
“Me too. What would you like for dessert?”
“Hmmmm.” I said, looking over the menu, planning my attack.
“How about we get one of each?”
In that moment. In that single, solitary moment, he went from guy that doesn’t have a TV, to the best date ever. One of each? One of each? He loved desert as much as I did. Maybe we could love each other.

Like two bulimic sorority girls on a binge, we sat and downed one of each.
After the meal, the very dessert heavy meal, I suited back up in my winter gear and we walked out into the mildly refreshing night. No. I can’t. It was still fucking freezing. Is that not positive? Oh well. It’s true.

“Good luck with all of your adventures.” I said as I watched him freeze in nothing but a suit.
“Why good luck? Aren’t I going to see you again? I had a great time.”
“Oh. Yeah. Yes. I guess so. Sure.”
The truth is, I wasn’t sure. Well…I was. But for now, I didn’t have it in me to say no. He was a nice guy. Very sweet and meant well. When he followed up and asked me for another date, and I told him the truth. I didn’t see it being a match. And I love TV too much.

(Note from me): It has been a very long time since I have written about one of my dates. I have to say, I have softened a bit and feel bad writing about this guy. He was super nice, a perfect gentleman, and a true hopeless romantic. Someone will be lucky to have him. Really, truly.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. David Molnar (@ErieDavid) permalink
    January 23, 2012 6:26 pm

    People say opposites attract, and it can be good for a short time, but without enough common ground, it’s hard to really build something together…fantastic personality or not. It sounds like this guy would be great to get together with every now and then to share stories with, but neither one of you would make it for too much of a stretch if you were forced to live in the other one’s world for overly long. Of course it looks like you already figured that out for yourself.

    • January 23, 2012 7:43 pm

      I used to also come from the school of “opposites attract”, until I realized, that once you are in a relationship, you may have very little in common. For me, what is more important is that we have shared interests and are on the same page. It doesn’t have to be about everything. But about most things.

  2. Ronnie permalink
    January 23, 2012 7:40 pm

    So funny I’m still laughing!!!

  3. January 28, 2012 9:30 am

    If there’s no chemistry, there’s no chemistry. Think of it as a nice meal and move on.

  4. January 28, 2012 8:05 pm

    I find people who tell you that they’re a “very positive person” VERY SCARY!

    I enjoy your blog and your tweets 🙂


    • January 30, 2012 1:47 pm

      Thank you so much Melissa. I appreciate you reading and I love your feedback! I have to agree, call me a pessimist, but when you are too optimistic it creeps me out. Not to mention, I find it a little phony and think they are really suppressing some deep underlying darkness. Me? I like to wear my dysfunction right on my sleeve where it belongs!

  5. January 30, 2012 5:59 pm

    You are awesome! Love this post! Would you consider guest posting on my site? I would even create a whole series for you ;D

    Loved the tv bit kudos to you for being utterly honest! Now off to find your twitter feed!


    • January 30, 2012 6:27 pm

      Thank you! How did you find me? I am so glad you did and I love your feedback! I would love to guest post for you! I will check it out right away!

      I am always incredibly honest. Part of my charm…and probably much to their dismay 😉

      Thanks again!

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